Crazy Contract Clauses

M&M by madame.furie from Flickr (Creative Commons License)

M&M by madame.furie from Flickr (Creative Commons License)

I love contracts. I know this makes me a big legal dork, but I love writing them and reviewing them.

A contract is the documentation of how a relationship is going to work and as long as the provisions aren’t illegal, you can put in whatever you want. There’s a lot of room for creativity, and I wish more people would take advantage of it. I was tickled pink earlier this year when I got to use the phrase “sexy bitch” in a contract. Granted, this was a contract between another legal blogger and me, so we had more license to have fun with it once we got the essential verbiage down.

I worked with a woman earlier this year who was writing the terms of service for her website. She was overwhelmed and confused when she read other sites’ terms but relaxed when I explained what all the legalese meant and that she could write terms that were simple and in layman’s terms, similar to what Reddit does. A few months ago I walk talking with a business owner who was frustrated when his co-owner cancelled their meetings. Since they were both fans of craft beer, I suggested they put a provision in their operating agreement that the penalty for cancelling a meeting for a non-emergency would be a growler of beer.

I did some digging and here are some of my favorite crazy provisions I’ve heard about in other contracts.

  1. Michael Jordan’s contract with the Chicago Bulls said he could play basketball anytime anywhere. He could play in exhibitions, pick-up games, etc. Apparently, he is the only player general manager Jerry Krause gave this provision to. I suspect other professional athletes have a lot of limits put on their activities to prevent injuries.
  2. The Houston Astros promised pitcher Roy Oswalt a bulldozer if they won the 2005 National League Series. The Astros won and the team gave Oswalt a Caterpillar D6N XL as promised.
  3. Van Halen’s rider required concert venues to provide the band with a bowl of M&Ms but no brown ones. This provision was quite ingenious. Van Halen’s show was a huge production that used 850 par lamp lights and at the time most venues weren’t used to them. If the band arrived and there were brown M&Ms in the bowl, it showed that the venue may not have read the contract carefully enough and they would do an additional check to make sure everything for the show was put up properly.

I love drafting custom contracts and I encourage people to ask for what they really want and make them their own. If you want to chat with me about this or any other topic, you can connect with me on TwitterGoogle+FacebookYouTubeLinkedIn, or you can email me.
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  • RoundRocker

    You’ve piqued my interest. In what context did you use “sexy bitch” in a legal contract?

    • Ruth Carter

      It was a provision where one party had to attest that the other is a “sexy bitch.” It had no impact on the rest of the contract but it was important to at least one party to include it.